My Encounters with Virginia Woolf
Portals into Creativity
I initially met Virginia Woolf in an upper-level English class and when I cracked open To The Lighthouse, her prose on the page, took my breath away literally and figuratively. When I saw the way one sentence could span an entire page, a full paragraph, I wholly understood how a woman could be full of so much that there was no need for a breath really, just relentless movement in and out of emotion, images, powerful ideas.
She expanded any notion I had about what could make sense and be placed on the page. While my peers may have found her exasperating, I could lay about her prose, naked, continuing to drink in its absolute Divine chaos and clarity all at once. She was one of those white ladies taught in the English canon that just fuckin’ rocked my socks, similar to Anne Sexton and Sylvia Plath.
Did I just take a minute to confirm what I realized tied all these women together? Yes, I did, and yes, they all committed suicide.
There was something about what they placed on the page that leaned on the border of truth and chaos, wavering, weaving, back and forth, like the sea water nearly at your lips but for which you need to only jump to catch the wave. Being the first to go to college and leave home, caught me in the depth of a tide, feeling first, the shrill of absolute freedom, and like the bell’s toll, swinging in the opposite direction, also in absolute fear of what I could really do with all that fresh air. How do I even manage all the trauma of the place I just left?
Because the truth I learned real quick was: you could leave the place where it all transpired, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t always following you, traveling with you wherever you went.
And these few white women sprinkled in the English canon took me to the depths of emotions that I thought was only within me, to darkness with very little light.
The beauty of studying English literature is that all of it could be taken in and interpreted with the lens of a scholar. No one really had to reveal their emotional connection to any of it. And ohh dear, what a treasure that was, to drink in the most decadent prose and poetry with the permission to do so just outside the bar, rarely considering and weighing on your own experiences.
Suffice it to say, I met Virginia and I was in love. I can’t even tell you what the heck To The Lighthouse was about because I read it about 20 years ago, I just know it stuck Virginia to me like a beautiful sheath I enjoyed adorning myself with. She confirmed for me that I had chosen right, the love of the written word was where it was at for me.
Meeting Virginia Woolf on the Stage
This weekend I saw the most delightful play centered on Virginia Woolf and her lover, wonderfully entitled Vita & Virginia. I won’t lie though, as much as I have loved the idea of Virginia as a writer, it was hard to watch her made manifest as a character on the stage. She was wordy, smart, passive, and had a slight nervous tick to her that was only ever released from its incessant tug when she was in the arms of her love.
I imagine this was hard to see and be with for a moment in time because it was a mirror to a part of me that always exists under the tough and well-spoken exterior: an introverted awkward girl just trying to make sense of the world and people with her pen. What’s worst is that everyone else sees her brilliance and yet she barely sees any of it. She sees enough of it to stand in her ego of claiming more, but not in a genuine, embodied sense of how fuckin’ amazing she is and the ways she was changing the landscape of literature and writing in a time men were still so dominant in the canon.
As I continued to watch the play, I found myself immediately drawn to Vita… she’s a woman with so much life, whose adventures are strewn in her letters to Virginia. Secretly, I wanted to know what it was like to move through several continents and sexually explore the men and women there. While both women were married, it was evident they sought companionship with each other and others in emotional and sexual ways.
Maybe most of all what I loved about the play were these key components…
the longing that moved the plot forward, a pushing and pulling of yearning found amongst flirting and a deep desire to be near one another more often.
the ways each of them expressed their desire for the other, it felt so genuine and real, I got lost in the folds of their complex relationship, falling head first, just as their bodies formed one.
the way flowers were adorning the space from the moment you entered the small theatre. I saw them at my feet, and immediately entered the space differently, leaning into the softness beckoning me to unfold… and how they led me to the love chamber of the women becoming one.
The Possibilities Creativity Invites Us Into
My dear and close friend is the director of this production and was in the process of bringing this vision to life for over a year (maybe 2 years?).
When I took my seat in the theatre, I spent several minutes taking in the set. If you don’t know, I’m a sucker for theatre and a good show, more so musicals than plays, but I enjoy anything that brings a story powerfully to life on the stage. In high school I was prop manager and stage manager, so I was always enthralled by the ways that scenes, placement of props and furniture bring the story to life for the audience.
And so, we arrived early and for about 10 minutes, I slowed down and took in the stage, the way the flowers adorned the makeshift walls and were drawn on top of the changing color, it was dark teal on one side (Vita’s space) and eventually white on the other (Virginia’s space). I saw the ways that Virginia’s home was built for coziness and handwritten magic at an antique writing desk while Vita’s desk was more open, larger, and squarely exhibited a typewriter. There were these beautiful lanterns with flashing lights adorning key points of the floor. Maybe most endearing though were the benches, the one on the stage, two on the floor. These were crucial props at key moments in the play where the women’s yearning for each other was met with the slight of hands, barely touching, eventually bodies merging.
As a woman who loves a good show, really what was most beautiful to witness was my friend’s vision come to life. I could feel her heart and touch in every single component of this production from the selection of the rugs, the rocking chair, to the flowers adorning the space, and the ones we were given with our programs. Her attention to detail, and the way she directed the actors with exquisite care for this vision felt like I was taking in a decadent piece of chocolate cake in which someone chose all the right ingredients to ensure it was sweet in all the right places, and it was presented in the most kind, rugged, and lightly feminine way that took my tastebuds away.
I was so inspired and motivated by the entire experience that as soon as I got in the car I was led to brainstorm ideas for some recent book projects I had started. As I sat in traffic on a Sunday afternoon, I wondered about the power of creativity in our lives and how committing ourselves to the vision of a creation literally makes us anew and then reverberates to change others and the way they are led to create.
Funny enough, when I mentioned to my friend that I couldn’t wait to see her do this again in the future, she was like heck, no, this was a two year dreaming and bringing to life journey. Even amidst welcoming her second child, she was drawn to make this entire story real. Then, I reminded her, that it’ll never be this hard again. She’s created such a beautiful path to bringing this story to life in her own unique way, if she were to do it again, she’d have a structure and form she can continue to refine or expand based on her heart’s desire.
I’m like that, once I see someone bring something to life, I am so thrown into the arms of creativity, I’m already imagining for them what possibilities exist out in the world. I am so taken away with inspiration that sometimes I can get lost in the dream world… forgetting the sheer effort it requires to wrangle and make real the grandiosity of those dreams into the physical realm.
In that small theatre, I was reminded of the power of dreaming and how careful attention to details slowly brings it into the land of the living so people can for a moment in time, just imagine what’s truly possible.
An Invitation
The show, Vita & Virginia, has two more performance this upcoming weekend, if you’re in the NYC area, you should definitely check it out.